Just go with it . . .

Ingredient 35: FD&C Yellow #5
by Dwight Eschliman Photography

                   

This little ditty has been bouncing around inside my brain for days, so I decided that since its shelf-life is going to be almost as long as that of the subject matter, I should probably put it down for posterity . . .

Ode to the Twinkie

Ingredients: Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour [Flour, Reduced Iron, B Vitamins (Niacin, Thiamine Mononitrate (B1), Riboflavin (B2), Folic Acid)], Corn Syrup, Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Water, Partially Hydrogenated Vegetable and/or Animal Shortening (Soybean, Cottonseed and/or Canola Oil, Beef Fat), Whole Eggs, Dextrose. Contains 2% or Less of: Modified Corn Starch, Glucose, Leavenings (Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Baking Soda, Monocalcium Phosphate), Sweet Dairy Whey, Soy Protein Isolate, Calcium and Sodium Caseinate, Salt, Mono and Diglycerides, Polysorbate 60, Soy Lecithin, Soy Flour, Cornstarch, Cellulose Gum, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Sorbic Acid (to Retain Freshness), Yellow 5, Red 40. Calcium sulfate is a food-grade equivalent of plaster of Paris

Bereft at your demise
devoted lovers bemoan
the hole your absence
will leave
in the lives
and lunchboxes
of future generations.
No more spongey yellow cake
with white filling
to fill the time
before tuna
and after orange soda.
What shall they do,
these youthful aspirants
to days passed,
whatever shall they ingest
in your place?
Fresh from the fry vat
you were like concupiscent
manna bestowed
on a weary populace.
Three-hundred calories
for two moments of bliss
and thirty-seven
delectable ingredients—
as natural as plaster
and petroleum based vitamin B—
made you
the passion of
deep-fryer connoisseurs
and jonesing
collegians alike,
gypsum and limestome
be damned.
Never have I wanted your
golden Yellow #5 gooiness
more.

L. Liwag

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8 comments on “Just go with it . . .

  1. Leah in NC says:

    I believe you guys could probably devote an entire website to Twinkie poetry! You could have each person add a verse to the ever-lengthening tribute…

  2. You poor poor thing… however will you cope???

    I sit here imperiously, for not only did I willingly leave Twinkie-Land for a place far far away that has never ever twinked, I eschewed them even as a child.
    For their tough, oily crumb,
    that did not melt on the tongue,
    that did not immerse me in divine sweet rapture,
    that never failed to disappoint my sugar-seeking soul.

    I rejected the Twinkie then. I reject it now.

    I mean, really – why? When you’ve got Dunkin Donuts???

    • poietes says:

      I was never a big Twinkie person either, but every once in a while I would have these strange cravings. Can’t say I’m going to miss them, but as far as Dunkin Donuts? Krispy Kreme outstrips them all.

      • Krispy Kreme came along after I left, so it’s not imprinted on my psyche at all. I’ve only had one Krispy Kreme donut and it was stale and rather yuck – end of the day in a dive of a coffee shop.

        I may never have the chance for a good one… my doc just told me no more sugar as I am at risk for developing Type II diabetes – and I hate being on any kind of medication so I think I will have to listen to him on this. So Krispy Kreme will just never happen for me – sigh…

      • poietes says:

        Type II aside, if you ever, ever have the chance to have a hot, fresh Krispy Kreme, straight off the belt, do it. Trust me, you can eat apples for a week afterwards, but it will be worth it. It’s like crack cocaine for those of us who don’t do crack cocaine.

      • Wow! Not sure I even want to go there! I have such an addictive personality – they may have to wheel me away in a diabetic coma! But who knows… one day… maybe…

      • poietes says:

        Trust me–it’s completely and totally worth it. I haven’t had one since I have given up most sugars, but when I see that “Hot Donuts Now” sign in big red letters, the car still swerves on its own towards the drive-thru. So very hard to ignore.

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