“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.” ~ Rainer Marie Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
I haven’t done an update in a while, and since I am supposed to be filling out FAFSA applications for both Brett and Eamonn, I thought that this would be a good topic to keep me from completing more forms. So here goes.
- This time ten years ago I was just beginning my relationship with Corey as friends and co-workers.
- Five years ago I was miserably working for a real estate company as a marketing director.
- This time last year I was doing exactly what I’m doing now: frittering my life away, attempting to write, being a slug.
- One of my favorite moments at the museum was the time that I was at the shoot for our Monet exhibition, and there was a frog wrangler. Seriously.
- Corey and I were walking through the Botanical Garden when we decided to get married.
- My dad loved to go fishing late at night, and when I was a girl, it was always a treat when he took me with him.
- The part of my body that I hate the most is my neck. Second, my arms.
- I think that Gwyneth Paltrow has a lot of nerve complaining about her bat wings (upper arms) as she is skinny and knows nothing about real bat wings.
- When I was in the 6th grade, I pretended that the man in the picture was not my father. I am still ashamed of that.
- My cell phone was stolen out of my car by a man I let wash my car. I was so stupid, which is what the police pointed out in a neighborhood meeting about crimes committed by the men who went around and offered to wash cars.
- When I was a teenager, I cleaned my mother’s house every Saturday. No one made me. I just did it.
- I have a soft spot in my heart for short, elderly Filipino men.
- I think the reason that I am so intrigued by my dreams is that they are so much more interesting than my real life.
- I am afraid of snakes and centipedes but not spiders.
- I love to listen to the birds singing in the early morning, when the air is filled with many different songs, creating a natural harmony.
- When I was little, I always wanted to have a sister, but not necessarily a brother.
- The most beautiful place Corey and I saw when were in Mexico was the Mayan ruins in Tulum. I much preferred the natural beauty of the ruins, the Iguanas, and the blue water hitting the rocks to the crowded, touristy atmosphere of Cancun.
- The Mexican soldiers patrolling Tulum carry automatic weapons, which is quite a jarring sight in the midst of such natural beauty.
- I wish that elves and fairies were real.
- I have boxes and boxes of photographs that I have taken over the years but have never sorted or arranged. I also have several empty albums that I bought with the intention of putting the pictures into albums.
- I don’t think that there’s an episode of Law & Order that I haven’t seen, and the show has been on for 20 years.
- I still want to go back to graduate school to get my PhD.
- Is there such a thing as a family that isn’t dysfunctional?
- I have had three bosses for whom I would work again in a heartbeat—the City Editor at the newspaper where I cut my teeth, the marketing director at the Museum, and the Director of Marketing and Communications at GW.
- The worst boss I had was at the department store. He was a misogynist, and he had no sense of loyalty.
“Where am I? Who am I?
How did I come to be here?
What is this thing called the world?
How did I come into the world?
Why was I not consulted?
And If I am compelled to take part in it,
Where is the director?
I want to see him.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard
Twenty-five more things:
- I once worked as a temp for a company that was so cheap that they counted paper clips.
- I used to clean my guy friends’ apartments whenever I visited.
- I used to dream of owning a muscle car. Now, I couldn’t bend down to get into one.
- Someone once told me that my legs weren’t perfect and hers were because mine didn’t touch at the top.
- I wish that my legs still didn’t touch at the top.
- If I were a billionaire, after I paid for college for everyone in the family, I would set up a foundation specifically for young women in need of start-up funds. I would also start a foundation for unpublished writers to get the funds needed to work on their writing full time.
- If I were a billionaire, I would donate a chunk of change to the campaigns of whoever ran against Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, and a handful of other extremists.
- One day I will go to Australia and Ireland.
- I sing to my dogs.
- I think that I’ve taught Tillie how to say I Love You, but she could be saying “I want cookies.”
- One of the most beautiful valentines I ever received was from a boy I was not dating. It was a hand painted butterfly, and in it he wrote a poem about me. I found out later that he killed himself the following year.
- I love pens but hate ball point stick pens that run on my fingers.
- When I was a little girl, I thought that I would help my mom with the ironing. I melted one of her blouses.
- I polished the floor of my grandmother’s house in the Philippines with coconut halves that were strapped to my feet. The dark floors were so smooth that it was like skating.
- I’ve always wished that I could draw.
- My parents had a tree on the side of their yard that I climbed and from which I could jump onto the roof.
- I have wanted to live in Blacksburg ever since I went to grad school there, but I think that it’s more the idea of living in a college town.
- Corey and I want to go on another cruise one of these days.
- I remember returnable soda bottles.
- I have a vague memory of the shops on Portobello Road in England.
- The green grocer whose shop was just down the street from our apartment on Goldhawk Road in London was named Mr. Higgins. He gave me sweets.
- Two traditions that I think Americans should adopt are tea time and the siesta. Both make so much sense to me.
- I haven’t bought a new pair of shoes in over two years. I think that must be a record.
- Ideally, I would love to have a beach house and a house in the mountains. Then I could have the two environments that I love the most.
- I let my dogs steal the covers during the night.
“To be on a quest is nothing more or less than to become an asker of questions.” ~ Sam Keen
- If you could have lunch with anyone in history, who would it be? That’s hard. It’s a tossup between Thoreau, Einstein, or Anne Boleyn, all for different reasons
- What is the one thing you want more than anything else at this very moment? A haircut.
- What it the one thing you hope to accomplish this year? Work on my book idea to the point that I have something to show an agent.
- What do you hate the most? Intolerance, followed closely by a lie.
- What do you love the most? Love and being loved
- How old were you when you first encountered death in a real way? Twelve, when my mother’s father died
- What modern convenience would you miss the most: a computer, a cell phone, a television, a microwave? Definitely a computer.
- If you could do one thing for anyone in the world, what would it be? I would get a job for Corey.
- Which person that you do not know do you relate the most to? Virginia Woolf.
- What is your worst trait? Jealousy followed by insecurity.
- How do other people characterize you that doesn’t match how you see yourself? I am frequently told that I am confident, which I am not.
- What is the one thing in this world that you would eliminate if you could? Famine.
- Glass half empty or half full? Empty.
- Are people inherently evil or inherently good? Good.
- Do you keep secrets from those you love? No. Absolutely not.
- Where is the one place you return to again and again? The cemetery where Caitlin is buried.
- Is there a place you go to when you need to clear your head? Barnes & Noble Booksellers
- Are you happy with your life? Not really. There are too many things I want to change.
- Which affects you more: smell or sound? Sound. Music has a way of playing into my moods.
- If you had the power to change one thing in your life, what would it be? I would have had another baby.
- What would your super power be? Flying
- Can men and women be friends without sex getting in the way? If one of them is gay.
- If you could live in another country, where would it be? Australia or Finland.
- When you are away from home, what do you miss the most? My dogs.
- Do you believe in revenge? In concept.
Well that was harder than I had anticipated. More later. Peace.
Damien Rice, “9 Crimes”