December 5, 2012 – Lola's Curmudgeonly Musings

Ingredient 35: FD&C Yellow #5
by Dwight Eschliman Photography

This little ditty has been bouncing around inside my brain for days, so I decided that since its shelf-life is going to be almost as long as that of the subject matter, I should probably put it down for posterity . . .

Ode to the Twinkie

Ingredients: Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour [Flour, Reduced Iron, B Vitamins (Niacin, Thiamine Mononitrate (B1), Riboflavin (B2), Folic Acid)], Corn Syrup, Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Water, Partially Hydrogenated Vegetable and/or Animal Shortening (Soybean, Cottonseed and/or Canola Oil, Beef Fat), Whole Eggs, Dextrose. Contains 2% or Less of: Modified Corn Starch, Glucose, Leavenings (Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Baking Soda, Monocalcium Phosphate), Sweet Dairy Whey, Soy Protein Isolate, Calcium and Sodium Caseinate, Salt, Mono and Diglycerides, Polysorbate 60, Soy Lecithin, Soy Flour, Cornstarch, Cellulose Gum, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Sorbic Acid (to Retain Freshness), Yellow 5, Red 40. Calcium sulfate is a food-grade equivalent of plaster of Paris

Bereft at your demise
devoted lovers bemoan
the hole your absence
will leave
in the lives
and lunchboxes
of future generations.
No more spongey yellow cake
with white filling
to fill the time
before tuna
and after orange soda.
What shall they do,
these youthful aspirants
to days passed,
whatever shall they ingest
in your place?
Fresh from the fry vat
you were like concupiscent
manna bestowed
on a weary populace.
Three-hundred calories
for two moments of bliss
and thirty-seven
delectable ingredients—
as natural as plaster
and petroleum based vitamin B—
made you
the passion of
deep-fryer connoisseurs
and jonesing
collegians alike,
gypsum and limestome
be damned.
Never have I wanted your
golden Yellow #5 gooiness
more.