“A book can teach you, a conversation can assure you, a poem can seduce you, a genius can inspire you but only you can save yourself.” ~Anthony Anaxagorou

The Guardian
by Connor Stefanison (500px.com)

“I live on the edge of a sleepy soul, a moist rose, and an infinite lilac sky beneath my chin.” ~ M. Melia, from The Unravelling Travelogue

Tuesday, early evening. Sunny and colddd, 35 degrees.

Still not sleeping well, and consequently, I’m getting up later. Don’t like this. I had managed to wind back my body clock, get into a more reasonable schedule (by my standards). Can’t say that I’m ever going to get going by 8 a.m. again, but I would dearly love to see the morning side of noon. Woke up early this morning with a migraine and have been very light sensitive all day. But on that note—would someone please explain to me why migraine medicine needs to be in adult-proof packaging? When I can’t open my eyes from the pain, how am I supposed to find the little corner to peel, and when I do, why can I not punch out the pill I so desperately need?

Short-eared Owl
by Darrel Birkett (FCC)

Why, huh, why?

Anyway, yesterday was a cleaning day, and of course I overdid it, but the house looks nice. We’re still in the middle of trying to get my health insurance reinstated, and even with HR at GW running interference, I’m having problems. This means, of course, that I still have none of my regular meds, and I’m getting by with OTC counterparts. Probably why I have a headache today. Also adding to that which is annoying is the fact that my Yahoo mail is not acting right—I can read stuff in my inbox but cannot reply or compose. Works fine on Corey’s laptop, though. Such a pain.

That, and trying to find the very lowest price for Brett’s textbooks. Fortunately since he isn’t taking any physics classes this semester none of his books are more than $30 each, but doing comparison shopping with ISBNs is a pain. Everything is a pain.

“Sometimes I don’t know whether I’m dreaming my dreams
or yours, or just leaning back quiescent in
somebody’s brain.  It’s only when I feel calm or glad
or even afraid that I know I’m asleep.
Only when I feel anything.” ~ Mary Rose O’Reilley, from “The Crossing”

Not really sure what I want to write about today. Kind of feeling in between thoughts, if that makes any sense, so I’m just going to rely on my random thoughts fallback. First, television:

• Am I a snob because I was bothered by the fact that the Romantics professor turned serial killer in Kevin Bacon’s new show “The Following” fixated on Poe? I would have preferred someone more obscure as it would have been more mysterious; everyone knows Poe. I think it reminds me of the misogynistic American lit professor I had who claimed that the only American female poet worth reading was Emily Dickinson. That would be like me contending that the only American poet worth anything is Walt Whitman. He was a nasty man, that professor, deliberately mispronounced my name all year.
  

  Great Grey Owl (nature.org)

• Still like the show, though. Serial killer played by James Purefoy + broken FBI agent played by Kevin Bacon = instant classic in my book.
• I finally watched The Hurt Locker the other night, and it wasn’t what I expected. I know that everyone raved over it, but I wanted more character development.
• I’m not sure how Ryan Murphy is going to resolve the aliens storyline in the season finale of “American Horror Story: Asylum.” Kind of weak if you ask me (and you didn’t), but my gawd, how wonderful is Jessica Lange, still?
• Still bummed that Reid’s love interest on “Criminal Minds” was killed before they ever had a chance to be a couple, but the good news (for me) is that that particular episode featured one of the most beautiful songs I’ve heard in a while, “Infinity Street,” by Richard Walters. Sorry if I’ve already mentioned this, but I really, really love that song.

“The moon is always jealous of the heat of the day, just as the sun always longs for something dark and deep.” ~ Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic

Other things:

• I think that I have to add Iceland to my places in the world I want to see. I haven’t seen one picture yet that I don’t find intriguing and mysterious in some way.
• Why am I not attracted to countries in South America? Am I being an ugly American? Is it ignorance? Not sure, but not knowing about a country doesn’t usually preclude my interest in it.
  

  Snowy Owl in Dallas
  by Dave Dolan on nabirding.com

• Does anyone know how to convert Vimeo videos into mp3 format without downloading a program?
• It’s almost time to do the taxes, which means I have to get around to correcting eldest son’s taxes from last year, filing last year’s state taxes (groan), and completing Brett’s FAFSA for next year (double groan). Speaking of which, I need to contact the federal loan people to see what’s up with my deferment on my graduate school loans. Another groan.
• I still haven’t completed my application to the doctoral program at GWU. Deadline is the end of the month. Why am I procrastinating? Did my paranoia and fear kick in before I could even get started? The whole I’m not good enough, why bother, they’ll never want me train of thought taking over . . .

“I know you think this world is too dark to even dream in color,
but I’ve seen flowers bloom at midnight.
I’ve seen kites fly in gray skies
and they were real close to looking like the sunrise” ~ Andrea Gibson, from “The Moon is a Kite”

Things I don’t do or cannot do:

• Drink enough water. I read somewhere that oftentimes when you feel hungry, your body may just be dehydrated, but I never seem to remember that. Like now, for instance. I know that I’m thirsty, but I can’t be bothered getting up to get something to drink. I’ll think about it again in about two hours.
• Walk enough. Yes, yes, I know. I would feel so much better if I got some physical exercise, but I’m so busy exercising my mind that I forget about my body, that is until I have to look at it. Yuck.
  

  Barn Owl, Norfolk, England (Wikimedia Commons)

• Wear my glasses at the right times. After not having the right prescription for so long, I got into bad habits when it comes to corrective vision. So I look above my glasses, and I squint, and I sit too close to the computer monitor . . .
• Record poems as they come to me. After years, nay decades of doing this (or not doing this, as it were) you would think that I would have learned. You would think . . .
• I am a very good speller, but I never spell the following words correctly on the first try: weird, niece, minutiae, and one other word that I cannot recall at the moment. Of course, I just spelled all of them correctly. How weird. Also, I frequently type the word not when I mean to type no.
• Figure out how to code poetry so that the right indentations appear without using the pre code.

“In my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words to reach the highest cathedral ceilings and paint my thoughts. But when I open my mouth, everything collapses.” ~ Isaac Marion, from Warm Bodies

Things over which I am currently obsessing:

• Black leather combat boots. This is the first time in my life that I haven’t owned a pair, and it bothers me. I got rid of my last pair a few years ago because they were completely worn and never found another pair that I liked.
• Flatware. I know, this is another weird thing, but our silverware is old, chipped, and I absolutely hate it. We bought Mike and Lex new flatware for Christmas, and I had planned to buy some for us but never got around to it.

Snowy Owl Portrait
by Pat Gaines (creative commons)

• Aside: My life is pretty boring if I’m obsessing over flatware.
• How boring my life is. I am.
• The Song of Ice and Fire series by G. R. R. Martin. I finally let myself read “Dance with Dragons,” but it’s still going to be months before the sequel hits the market. These books are so complicated, have so many familial lines, so many plots and subplots that to wait between books only adds to the confusion. I almost wish that I had come upon them after the series was complete, kind of like “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” and its sequels, which I did not read until after the author died.
• Why are my stats dropping?
• Images of owls (especially snowy owls), Asian fishermen, and Iceland. I have no explanation for any of these.

Enough for now. My eyes are killing me, and it’s time for afternoon tea.

More later. Peace.

Music by Otep, “We Dream Like Lions”

                   

Seeing for a Moment

I thought I was growing wings—

it was a cocoon.

I thought, now is the time to step

into the fire—

it was deep water.

Eschatology is a word I learned

as a child: the study of Last Things;

facing my mirror—no longer young,

       the news—always of death,

       the dogs—rising from sleep and clamoring

            and howling, howling,

nevertheless

I see for a moment

that’s not it: it is

the First Things.

Word after word

floats through the glass.

Towards me.

~ Denise Levertov

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