If only I were making this stuff up . . .

Jon Stewart Trashes Fox News For Throwing Out The Constitution: The Law Is ‘No Match For Freedom Math’

by Josh Feldman | Mediaite

Jon Stewart took on one of his favorite punching bags, Fox News, in a segment calling the network out for always praising the wisdom of the Founders in creating the Constitution, only to discard over half of the Bill of Rights when talking about the aftermath of the Boston Marathon bombings. Stewart noticed every amendment seemed negotiable to people at Fox News except the second, and any legal arguments to the contrary were “no match for freedom math.”

Stewart likened terrorists hating the U.S. for its freedoms to Anne Hathaway: “you hate us, only because you can’t get with this!” He ran clip after clip of Fox News hosts praising the Constitution, only to then show them throwing out the Constitution in talking about the case of the Boston Marathon bombers. On their questioning of whether or not the alive suspect should have been read his Miranda rights, Stewart pointed out he still has them even if they don’t read them, because “you don’t have to say them out loud for them to become real.”

Stewart ran the gamut from treating the suspect as an enemy combatant to calls for torture to even suggesting that the FBI should wiretap all mosques to show how amendments are just being dumped like wildfire. Stewart was particularly struck by Ann Coulter saying the dead suspect’s wife should be jailed for wearing a hijab, remarking “she wants a fashion police state.”

Of course, in the interest of fairness, Stewart showed some Fox News personalities injecting their legal perspective into the mix, but as far as the rest of the network is concerned, the law is “no match for freedom math.” Of course, Stewart noticed the only amendment not being discarded willy-nilly is the second, and wondered what would happen if terrorists decided to establish a well-regulated militia of their own.

                   

Full transcript of April 24 The Daily Show segment below:

But we begin tonight with a celebration of what makes America the home of the brave and the land of the awesome, and why our enemies don’t get it.

BRIAN KILMEADE (1/4/2013): Hey, the Constitution founded our great country.ERIC BOLLING (7/6/2011): The American Constitution, the blueprints for our way of life…

SEAN HANNITY (7/2/2012): I really worry if we have lost an understanding of our Constitution, our founding principles, an understanding of what makes us strong.

LAURA INGRAHAM (8/27/2009): They hate our freedom, they hate our way of life, they hate who we are, they hate our liberty.

It is like we are the Anne Hathaway of countries.  (audience laughter)  You hate us, but only cuz you can’t get with this!  (Jon finger snaps)

Why do you hate America?  Is it that we’re too nice, that we sing too well, or that we’re too hot?  ♫  “I dreamed a dream….”

And that’s why how we handle Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev is so important.  For the strength of our system lies in how durable it is, even for our most heinous citizens.

SEAN HANNITY (4/22/2013): I’m a little bit concerned because now he’s, you know, he’s got his Miranda rights, the right to remain silent.ERIC BOLLING (4/24/2013): Miranda.  Mirandize the guy or not?

GREG GUTFIELD (4/24/2013): I don’t understand the point.

BRIAN KILMEADE (4/23/2013): First thing you gotta tell him is, you have the right to remain silent.  Fantastic.  So the bombs that could be exploding and the plots that could be unfolding, we can’t ask him.

OK, first of all, not reading someone their Miranda rights doesn’t mean they don’t have their Miranda rights.  (audience laughter)  You have Miranda rights under the Constitution.  You don’t have to say them out loud for them to become real.  You’re thinking of Beetlejuice.  (audience laughter and applause)

Now the only reason you have to read them is so that whatever the suspect has done or did, whatever they do say, is admissible at their trial.  It’s another hallmark of our constitutionally guaranteed right to due process.

4/22/2013:SEAN HANNITY: I think it’s a mistake not to treat him as an enemy combatant.

ANN COULTER: We ought to look at him as an enemy combatant, and moving him toward a military tribunal.

Yes, civilian trial for a terrorist, not gonna work!  It’s why Timothy McVeigh, Ted Kaczynski, Ramzi Yousef, and the Blind Sheikh roam our fair country in a bus, going city to city singing medleys of original hits and….  (listens to earpiece)  What’s that?  Really?  They’re dead or in prison, huh?  Well, who am I thinking of?  Is it… oh, the Muppets.  Oh, all right.  I get it.  Well, to be fair, they both tried to take Manhattan.

So in the wake of an assault on our freedom and way of life, we have quickly jettisoned the Sixth Amendment’s right to a fair trial and speedy trial, and the Fifth Amendment’s right against self-incrimination!  What’s next?

SEAN HANNITY (4/22/2013): This guy ought to be, right now, being interrogated in a very intense way. … I’d waterboard him.  I don’t believe enhanced interrogation is torture.  I don’t.

You don’t believe enhanced interrogation is torture?  Because torture, like Tinkerbell, depends on if we believe?  So there goes the Eighth Amendment’s ban on cruel and unusual punishment.  Any freedom lovers want to take a crack at some of the lower ones, your Thirds, your Fourths?

4/22/2013:ERIC BOLLING: Should the FBI be allowed to now go into mosques and wiretap and surveil? … I think this is a great case for opening up that.

BRIAN KILMEADE: I think that we should be able to put in listening devices in there.

Sure, illegal search and seizure, done!  The freedom lovers at Fox are jettisoning Amendments like Han Solo dumping cargo to make the jump to light speed at the first sign of Imperial Cruisers, right Chewie?

But you know what?  Anybody can toss away the lesser-known Amendments.  Only a true patriot can set a course straight for the First.

BOB BECKEL (4/23/2013): We really have to consider, that given the fact so many people hate us, that we’re going to have to cut off Muslim students from coming to this country for some period of time.

Yes, a religious litmus test for school enrollment!, says Fox’s most prominent liberal voice.  Holy shit, what’s left?  A prohibition on the unmentioned personal rights in the Constitution that are designated to the people?

ANN COULTER (4/22/2013): I want to know about this wife as well. … I don’t care if she knew about this.  She ought to be in prison for wearing a hijab.

(shocked and disgusted audience response)

AND DOWN GOES THE NINTH AMENDMENT!!!  DOWN GOES THE NINTH AMENDMENT!!!

Ann Coulter doesn’t just want a police state, she wants a fashion police state!

Now of course, to their credit, any of the Fox contributors or anchors who have studied law, have a somewhat different take on this subject.

ANDREW NAPOLITANO (4/23/2013): To try him as an enemy combatant … the government can’t just willy-nilly do that.MEGYN KELLY (4/23/2013): I think now you’re getting into a dangerous place.

4/22/2013:BRIAN KILMEADE: Is that possible?

PETER JOHNSON, JR.: No.

But of course, these types of legal arguments are no match for freedom math.

ERIC BOLLING (4/23/2013): How many Muslims in the world, anybody? … 1.57 billion … Let’s just say 10% dislike us or hate us. … That means 157 million Muslims hate us.  If 5%, 10%, 1% are radicalized and would kill us, you know how much that is?  That’s one and a half million people who are radicalized to the point where they would want to kill you, kill us Americans.

Wow, that’s interesting.  Can I see a footnote citation for those figures?

Oh, that’s where he got them.  All right, I wasn’t sure.  (wild audience cheering and applause)

Well, hey, I have an idea.  Since we’re just throwing Amendments away willy-nilly, what if we wanted to, I dunno, track the weapons that any of these America-haters bought, or maybe do a background check, if any of them tried to purchase weapons here in America?  (audience applause)

ERIC BOLLING (7/19/2011): The right to bear arms is protected in the Constitution.SEAN HANNITY (6/28/2010): There’s no ambiguity here.  The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

Oh, no ambiguity there.  You know, since, in the last few decades, there’s been 3,400 deaths from terrorism, Islamic and otherwise, and in that same period, we’ve had nearly, I dunno, a million deaths from gun violence, 30 to 40,000 a year, every year, is there anything we can do about that?

BRIAN KILMEADE (1/10/2013: What Constitution?  Vice President Joe Biden says the President may crack down on guns by executive order.ERIC BOLLING (4/3/2013): a.k.a., taking our right to bear arms away.

Yes, it turns out there’s only one Amendment in our Constitution’s pantheon that is exempt from statistical analysis or emotional freak-out-itude.  And it is the Second.  So God help us if the Muslims ever decide to form a well-regulated militia.

We’ll have no way to stop them.  We’ll be right back.

 

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