“Write what should not be forgotten.” ~ Isabel Allende

“Our lives, so settled, so specific, are built on happenstance.” ~ Anna Quindlen, from Every Last One

Monday afternoon. Wispy clouds and lovely, 64 degrees.

I don’t know if it’s apparent, but I’m making an effort to write as much as possible lately, here and elsewhere. Part of the reason for my being so prolific is that my computer truly is on its last legs. I often get black screen in the middle of trying to do something, that or everything freezes as the fan makes this very loud sound. Perhaps the fear of this loss is also what is driving the poems that keep coming. I’m not complaining about the result, just the impetus driving it.

"Möwenschwarm an der Ostee" (1914, oil on masonite)
“Möwenschwarm an der Ostee” (1914, oil on masonite)

Brett has priced building a CPU for me with lots of memory and speed, to allow me to continue in my habits of having five to ten tabs open at any given time—mail, a couple of Word Press tabs, at least one tumblr tab, and then usually one or two art-related tabs, YouTube, and my MP3 converter. Yes, I know, I have probably hastened my computer’s demise, but I want and need a workhorse, even though the work is only for me.

So anyway, Santa, if you’re listening? A new ‘puter for Christmas would be nice . . .

“where is that voice from nowhere to remind us
that the holy ground we walk on, purified by native blood has rooted trees
whose fallen leaves now colour code a sacred list of demands?

who among us can give translation of autumn’s hues to morning news?” ~ Saul Williams, from “Bloodletting”

I don’t remember last night’s dreams, oddly enough. I can’t recall a single second. How strange . . . I watched “Walking Dead” last night, so maybe I dreamed of zombies . . . whatever . . .

Karl Hagemeister Wildpark bei Geltow 1933
“Wildpark be Beltow” (1933)

I have Olivia today and Wednesday, and Corey flies home Wednesday evening. He will be home for Thanksgiving, and so we must plan the family dinner, and it will be my first without either of my parents, and would that I could just lie in bed all day, beneath a tumble of blankets, and immerse myself in a book. I really have no idea how I will do it, or if I will actually be able. I only know that I must try, even though I really do not want to.

Life goes on for everyone else, regardless of what I am feeling or how much pain I am in. That is just the way of the world. And so I will probably make my mother’s recipe for cranberry relish, and drink wine as I prepare everything, and just wait for the time after dinner when I can become silent once again.

“Moments like this act as magical interludes, placing our hearts at the edge of our souls: fleetingly, yet intensely, a fragment of eternity has come to enrich time. Elsewhere the world may be blustering or sleeping, wars are fought, people live and die, some nations disintegrate, while others are born, soon to be swallowed up in turn—and in all this sound and fury, amidst eruptions and undertows, while the world goes its merry way, bursts into flames, tears itself apart and is reborn: human life continues to throb.” ~ Muriel Barbery, from The Elegance of the Hedgehog

Karl Hagemeister Verschneites Gehölz am Ufer des Schwielowsees 1905 pastel on canvas
“Verschneites Gehölz am Ufer des Schwielowsees” (1905, pastel on canvas)

Here is what I have written so far today:

Olivia at Two

Did I ever
walk through the days as she does,
completely unfettered,
keen to commune with whatever comes,
barred by none of life’s lessons—
actions and consequences
absent from her tableau,
and without them,
no hesitation or trepidation
about how fate
can amass repercussions
without regard.
So I will grip fear for her,
tight in my fist, always aware
of destiny’s cruel dead reckoning.

Is it innocence or inexperience
that lets her grab the wet mass
of mud and grass,
examine the detached cricket’s legs
deposited on the porch,
by some nocturnal scavenger?
And what of her fierce pride
in sharing the rusty screw
she has somehow removed
from the old back door?
How curious I am
to see if I can relearn
this remarkable state
of permanent grace,
to see as she sees,
to feel without hindrance
before we teach her
to stay within the lines,
and put away her childish things
because life demands it of us all.

L. Liwag
November 10, 2014

Oh well. Hope your week is starting out on a mellow note . . .

All images are by German artist Karl Hagemeister (1848-1933). I really like his trees.

Music by Anadel, “Remember Me”


What We Need

The Emperor,
his bullies
and henchmen
terrorize the world
every day,

which is why
every day

we need

a little poem
of kindness,

a small song
of peace

a brief moment
of joy.

~ David Budbill


5 thoughts on ““Write what should not be forgotten.” ~ Isabel Allende

  1. I think she was writing what shouldn’t be forgotten.

    Well, if I did make money with a tote bag with your words, it would only be fair for both of us to have some. I think I’d be lucky if I could make a tote bag with your words for both of us!

    I finished the book… and I enjoyed it. It didn’t turn out like I was thinking… There wasn’t really any more about the signature in the plants. But, she said a lot of stuff that made a lot of sense. It seems like most of the people in the book were strong, intelligent people who did important things all their lives… except for the young woman who was fun and kind of crazy and ended up in a mental institution.

    I hope you’ve had a good day. Exciting times tomorrow with Corey coming home!

  2. Took my son to the “convenience center,” places where they collect trash or recycle stuff. There is a bin for TVs and computers, and looking in that bin I was thinking that half the stuff probably still worked… My son said there are places now where people can take things they don’t want and drop them off, other people can take them. No money changes hands… That’s an interesting concept.

    I did dream last night. When I woke, I remembered some tiny piece of it, but I don’t remember now.

    It would definitely be wrong for you to think that I could somehow make you money! (Sometimes I have ideas, but I don’t have the business sense.) I did think, though, that I should have started a Christmas tree farm. Maybe I still could. You could do that, too. The perfect retirement job for all of us!

    I was reading Martin Seligman again, and he says that if you teach a child the skills of optimistic thinking and action, it cuts their rates of depression in half later on… Maybe Olivia will be lucky and learn those skills. He even has a book all about children. (Wonder if any teachers have read it?)

    It would really be cool to have an optimal computer… Mine hangs on, but sometimes groans, and the wireless cuts out, and the AVG scans sap the speed for a long time. And, then there’s the car… and the heat pump…

    I might finish the Elizabeth Gilbert book tonight…

    I hope your computer lasts until you get a replacement. I would really miss you if you fell silent…

    1. By the way, I meant you could make money for yourself with the tote bag. It’s only my words, but if you did all of the work to make and market a bag, you should have the money. That is until I’m rich and famous (Ha!)

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