- Swallowing grapes is not so easy.
- Making a cup of tea takes a long time when you throw away the tea bag and keep the foil packet.
- Knocking said cup of tea over immediately after sitting it down becomes a job for tomorrow.
- The dogs decide they need to go outside one an hour, probably just being good care-givers and making sure you can still move.
- You (I) can, but very, very slowly.
- Chocolate at 2 in the morning doesn’t taste nearly as good as it usually does.
- Mucinex liquid was invented by the same descendants of Marquis de Sade who invented the original Nyquil.
- If you are able to swallow it, Mucinex feels warm all the way down your esophagus.
- This is reassuring as I was pretty certain I had coughed up my esophagus on Friday night.
- Cold and flu medications always stop working in the middle of the night.
- Alka-Seltzer cold and flu medication needs to be dissolved in hot water and then chased by bourbon.
- Just kidding . . . not really . . .
- It would have been honey and bourbon and lemon instead of the medicine, but I only had the bourbon.
- I switched from second to first person somewhere along the way.
- Whatever.
- The Christmas cards I started on so eagerly and full of self-satisfaction over a week ago laid on my dining room table until I unearthed them this afternoon.
- I unearthed them this afternoon because I felt better and decided to clean.
- I always do this.
- It always hurts afterwards.
- A lot.
- It all began because I smelled something, and I wasn’t really sure if it was (pardon the total truth here) my dog’s bad gas, my feet, or the bedroom in general, having been a sick room for three days.
- So I needed to change the sheets.
- Which meant that I needed to do laundry.
- Which took four trips from the hamper to the garage.
- I do not have a large house.
- It’s a ranch, and the only stairs are in the garage.
- I still almost tripped on the stairs.
- I remembered to wash the bath mat that I used to sop up the tea I spilled yesterday.
- Or was it the day before?
- So I finished the Christmas cards and put them out for the mail only to notice that the UPS guy had delivered the shipment of dog food.
- It’s a heavy box, and I had used my daily quota of energy on useless things like cleaning and bathing.
- So the dog food is still on the porch getting rained on.
- I could so not care about the dog food.
- I did use my time in bed wisely: I started watching season one of “Orphan Black” on Amazon Prime (connected to my television, woo hoo) on Saturday.
- I think it was Saturday.
- I finished Sunday morning, and then I debated about whether or not to purchase season two on Prime.
- I debated for two minutes, and then cashed in a few dollar credits for skipping fast shipping on books and started season 2.
- I am now humbled to realize that I cannot buy season 3 because it isn’t a thing yet.
- I don’t know what to watch next, and it’s hard to read when you’re coughing.
- I haven’t sat at this computer in over a week.
- I know this because my e-mail notification says something about plus 700 new emails.
- Yahoo lies.
- There are probably 5 real emails, and the rest are people still trying to get me to order for Christmas.
- Probably better that I haven’t been on the computer.
- God I need a laptop.
- Or even, sigh, a tablet.
- Tablets are evil.
- I haven’t looked at myself in a mirror in days, she said, apropos of nothing.
- It’s amazing how many dishes one person can make in three days.
- Maybe the dirty dishes made me start to clean because I had run out of tea mugs.
- Not really.
- There are at least 20 more in the cabinet, but I don’t like any of those when I’m sick.
- Coffee tastes really bad when you’re sick.
- Tea tastes better with honey and lemon, but . . . well, see 13.
- I realized that I was walking around the house with rubber gloves on after I did the dishes.
- So I did the floors.
- Kidding.
- Not really.
- So, yeah. That’s been my life for more days than I care to admit.
- Corey gets home on Christmas Eve.
- Let’s hope I can summon up some energy to drive to the airport.
- I’m not sure what day or date it is.
- At least the house will be mostly clean because I have once again retreated to my bed (with the clean sheets) and am now rewatching certain episodes of “Orphan Black.”
- I can’t believe I had so many things to say.
- Tired now. Bye.