A. A. Milne – Lola's Curmudgeonly Musings

Winnie the Pooh and Piglit

“I have this strange feeling that I’m not myself anymore. It’s hard to put into words, but I guess it’s like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.” ~ Haruki Murakami

Piglit Writes a Letter (Illustration by E.H. Shepard)

I began this post two days ago. Everytime I tried to save, the Internet went out. Nothing to do with WordPress, just our Internet. I hope to get this post up tonight before any Internet/cable snafus, but we’ll just have to see.

Yesterday was just awful on the physical front. Had to take Brett to a doctor’s appointment first thing in the morning, which I sat through squinty-eyed. Came home and promptly threw up (lovely, TMI?), and then again, and again, and again. I spent the rest of the day in bed taking pain and cold medicine. As I have used all of my secret stashes of migraine medication I had to depend on regular meds, which are about as effective as rubbing sweet tarts on my forehead.

“The old grey donkey, Eeyore stood by himself in a thistly corner of the Forest, his front feet well apart, his head on one side, and thought about things. Sometimes he thought sadly to himself, “Why?” and sometimes he thought, “Wherefore?” and sometimes he thought, “Inasmuch as which?” and sometimes he didn’t quite know what he was thinking about.” ~ A. A. Milne

Eeyore sipping water — Eeyore Sipping Water (Illustration by E.H. Shepard)

The reality is that I don’t think that this will be much of a post as I am not much myself. I keep putting my fingers on the wrong keys and not making very much progress. I don’t notice it while I’m doing it, so I have to backtrack every few lines. Bother.

I do feel rather like a combination of Pooh and Eeyore today: full of fluff and rather morose, which is why I have used the illustration at the top of the post. It’s from a card that Corey gave me once when I wasn’t feeling well, and it sums up so perfectly how I feel when I don’t feel all that well. I keep this card on my dresser mirror, and it always makes me smile.

Of course, it’s hard not to smile at Winnie the Pooh. For me, though, it has to be classic Pooh with the Shepard illustrations from the books that I first read as a young girl in England. Pictures of classic Pooh characters and a cup of tea—the perfect combination for a cold day and an achy body.

With luck, more later. Peace.

Always relaxing and beautiful Enya, “Watermark”

The Crystal Gazer

I shall gather myself into my self again,
I shall take my scattered selves and make them one.
I shall fuse them into a polished crystal ball
Where I can see the moon and the flashing sun.
I shall sit like a sibyl, hour after hour intent.
Watching the future come and the present go—
And the little shifting pictures of people rushing
In tiny self-importance to and fro.

~ Sarah Teasdale

Another photograph from Janson Jones’s blog: Floridana Alaskiana: University of Alaska Campus, 10/09

“Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake.” ~ A. A. Milne

Warmer today than it has been. From the pictures, it looks like autumn in Alaska is beautiful.

I spent an hour scrubbing down the kitchen this afternoon, and then another few hours downloading music for my computer playlists. The result is that both my neck and my lower back hurt. How tedious.

I don’t really have much to say today. My mind is filled with music instead of words, which is just fine with me. Sometimes the words running through my head become too heavy with an unexplainable weight, and I wish that I could just tilt my head and let everything sift out, like fine grains of sand. Empty head, start over—kind of an appealing idea.

I received another letter from Social Security today. We’re currently doing this dance in which my long-term disability insurer is passing me along to the Social Security administration (which, if approved, would relieve the insurance carrier, of course). The SS administration is kind of like DMV, no, make that very much like the DMV: bureaucracy, forms, endless forms, requests for mor information, requests for clarification.

My long-time disability insurer assures me that the SS administration denies everyone the first time, and so I should be prepared to file an appeal, which they did on my behalf. Quite frankly, I just don’t care. Or at least I don’t care at this moment. I’m tired of forms. Tired of explaining the same thing over and over to different people. Tired of telling people about my health problems. More tedium.

So for now, tonight anyway, I’m going to ignore the forms, requests for information, etc. I’ll tackle that and the pile of stuff from my closet tomorrow, or at least, some of it, as much as my back allows.

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” ~ A. A. Milne

That being said, I don’t have much more to add. I think that basically I’m just weary to the bone. Bone-weary. Eyes blurry. Not in much of a hurry to take care of the details. I don’t want to tackle the horrible topic of the high school student being who was beaten to death with railroad ties in Chicago. It’s too heinous.

I cannot even begin to ponder the implications of a healthcare systems that denies care to prior victims of abuse, something that has come to light during this great, supposed debate in which our country’s political leaders are involved. Don’t believe this could happen? Read this article , “Abused Then Denied Care: 8 States Allow Practice,” on MSNBC.

I just had to take a minute to have a play fight with Tillie as she placed herself on the middle of the bed and began thrashing around—a clear signal that a play fight is called for. She is pretty strong, though, so my fights only last a couple of minutes. She is such a bratsky of a dog. One of the best presents that I have ever gotten in my life. She has the ability to make me smile no matter how bad I feel.

Anyway, as I was saying, I don’t have much to contribute in the way of thoughtful prose, which I will take as a sign that I should add a nice video and call it a night. So here is a video created by Janson Jones on the Matanuska Glacier. I hope that you enjoy it.