“In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o’clock in the morning, day after day.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald, “The Crack-Up”

This is the post that I was working on for Monday when the computer started to act out and then locked up. Nothing. Nada. Had to close everything, clean the hard drive and do a complete scan, all of which meant that there was no more writing for me. Tuesday was leftover crappiness, so no writing. I’m continuing this post for Wednesday.

Sorry about the disjointedness (word?) . . .

“My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
‘Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak.
‘What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
‘I never know what you are thinking. Think.” ~ T. S. Eliot, “The Waste Land”

Monday evening. Humid. Impending rain.

Tillie had another seizure last night. She was next to me on the bed when I noticed her moving frantically. At first I thought that she was chasing a hot spot, but then I realized that she was seizing. That’s the first one that’s happened in front of me in a while. Corey and I held her and spoke quietly to her during the episode, and thankfully, she seemed to come out of this one faster than before. Corey thinks that she is becoming a bit more accustomed to them so that she does not panic. This makes seven total.

It’s so frightening to see and so hard not to panic, but she would sense the panic. We had to get Alfie out of the room because he began to bark frantically, which was not helping things. Shakes hid under the bed until it was over. It’s odd how each dog knows that something is wrong and responds.

Today, we got the wonderful news that our entire tax refund has been gobbled up by a creditor. We aren’t getting a penny, and we owe on our state taxes, which are due at the end of April. That’s how the past few days have been: one bit of bad news after another. As I’ve said too many times before, sometimes, it’s just all too much, which is what leads me to the topic of this post: my daughter, Alexis.

More later. Peace.

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“Someday you’ll grow up and realize that everything that you think you know, I already know.” ~ Lola to son

Cover from The Furies by John Bolton (This is how I felt after my confrontation with Eamonn: vicious)

“The years teach much which the days never knew.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s raining . . . It’s pouring . . . the dogs are all snoring.

Rain today, lots and lots of rain, and tornado warnings. And guess what’s on the forecast for the rest of the week? Rain. Every day this week through Friday. The temperature is supposed to be in the 60’s then warmer then cooler.

I’ve stopped wondering why I wake up with clogged sinuses every morning.

The other night we had a major scare that I didn’t really want to write about at the time: Tillie had a seizure. Corey came running into the house carrying her, and I could tell right away that he was scared beyond anything I have ever seen in his face. Tillie’s legs were drawn up to her body; she was frothing at the mouth, and her eyes looked wild.

We called the emergency vet who told us that when these things happen to dogs, they usually pass within 30 minutes or so. The woman on the phone also told Corey that we didn’t need to bring Tillie in if it passed, but that we should watch her.

Within an hour, she was completely back to normal. The rest of the family was on edge for the entire night. The next morning, Corey took Tillie to our regular vet, where they promptly did blood work and a few other things, only to tell us that they couldn’t really say what caused the seizure, but to be on the lookout in case she starts to have them on a regular basis.

I won’t even talk about the bill because it was obviously more than we could afford, and the vet’s office does not let you make payments (we asked).

So much for getting caught up on the water bill.

Anyway, I’m not really sure what our dog’s seizure has to do with rain aside from the fact that Tillie just ran into the bedroom and put muddy paw prints on the clean sheets. Four more days of this. Hooray for the water supply. Boo for the wet dog syndrome, that is, getting muddy prints on things if you don’t catch them at the door and wipe them off.

“Youth cannot know how age things and feels . . .” ~ J. K. Rowling

It’s been a very long day: I spent the greater part of the early afternoon in a to-do with the older son, which left me feeling old, irrelevant, and frankly, bitchy.  He knows exactly how to push my buttons just as his father did, and never hesitates to push every one of them when we get into these arguments. After I cooled down and came into the bedroom, Corey quoted me this passage from the book of Timothy: “Let no man despise thy youth” (4:12), which gets me started in interpretations, obviously not what he had in mind.

But I was saying that the word ‘thy’ was ambiguous. Is it thy as in don’t despise the youth that is the fruit of thoust loins? Is it thy as in looking back on my youth and despising it. Who is speaking? Ya da. Ya da. Ya da.

He hates it when I begin to parse. Anyway, the whole point (which I knew from the very beginning, but I wasn’t in the mood to play nicely) was that a person should act in a way that he or she never gives other people cause to despise them (which Eamonn was not realizing by comparing me to high school girls and saying that all females are alike.

I know. Don’t even get me started again.

Needless to say, I left Eamonn’s room with a less than stellar attitude, which was soothed somewhat by watching part 2 of The Two Towers with Brett this afternoon. But I really don’t feel inspired to delve into too much, having already delved into too much of life’s basic lessons with my eldest who will someday rue the day that he was stupid enough to say to his very feminist mother that all females are alike.

All of that being said, I’m really far too tired tonight to do a regular post (my kind of regular post with witty quotes, graphics, etc.), but I wanted to put something up here for now. Just a note, the graphic above is a repeat for those of you who have been following my blog for awhile, but it just felt so appropriate for today.

Time for a cup of tea and some bedrest. More later. Peace.