“He finds himself bored by the shenanigans of highly spirited young men. Their concerns reside somewhere between balder and dash.” ~ Sara Sheridan, from Secret of the Sands

If it’s Friday, it must mean leftovers . . .

Friday morning, completely overcast with drizzle and fog, 48 degrees.

I have quite the collection today. My editorial asides are in italics below. Enjoy.


I don’t know why I found this so funny:

This actually happened:

From Memes & Comedy:

Also from Memes & Comedy:

Apparently, this has been a problem for longer than people thought, and no, the irony isn’t lost on me:

The Wichita Daily Eagle, Kansas, December 30, 1899

The Saint Paul Globe, Minnesota, March 2, 1905

The Tribune, Seymour, Indiana, July 13, 1909

The Atlanta Constitution, Georgia, May 13, 1912

The Evening Journal, Wilmington, Delaware, June 11, 1913

Woodson County Advocate, Yates Center, Kansas, August 6, 1915

The Guntersville Democrat, Alabama, June 22, 1921

Oh, the irony . . .

Daily News, New York, New York, February 13, 1925

The Courier-Journal, Louisville, Kentucky, May 22, 1950

I found most of these hilarious, but then, I’m easily amused. Be forewarned, several are audibly groan-worthy:

48 Incredibly Short, Clean Jokes That Are Actually Funny

  1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
    ImHully
  2. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
    megan_james

  3. Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says “I think we got this joke wrong”
    Moltenfirez

  4. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
    Spysquirrel

  5. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
    Outlaws are wanted.
    Dave-Stark

  6. I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
    He said “Thanks”
    I said “Don’t mention it”
    3shirts

  7. I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.
    kate_winslat

  8. I poured root beer in a square glass.
    Now I just have beer.
    PM_ME_TINY_DINOSAURS

  9. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
    One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
    alosercalledsusie

  10. My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “no it doesn’t”
    DinosRoar1

11. And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
PM-SOME-TITS

12. How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Is it one or two? One… or two?
Undescended_testicle

13. What do we want?
Low flying airplane noises!
When do we want them?
NNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW.
Tetragon213

14. What do you call a frenchman wearing sandals?
Phillipe Phillope.
Sooowhatisthis

15. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
BiffWhistler

16. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
leahcure

  1. So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.
    Jefferncfc
  • How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
    fireworkslass

  • A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
    ImHully

  • Why did the old man fall in the well?
    Because he couldn’t see that well.
    rangers_fan2

  • I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
    Rndomguytf

  • This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
    WikiWantsYourPics

  • My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
    I said “40”
    3shirts

  • I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
    It’s shift work.
    3shirts

  • I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.
    breadman666

  • I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
    kailey_sara

  • What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
    Melchiah_III

  • Wife says to her programmer husband, “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.” Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.
    SuperFreakyNaughty

  • Communism jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
    -georgie

  • What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?
    Aye matey.
    Wicked_Wanderer

  • What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common.
    Icy dead people.
    mysevenyearitch

  • Knock Knock
    Who’s There?
    Dishes
    Dishes Who?
    Dishes Sean Connery.
    Birdie_Num_Num

  • Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
    Deerhoof_Fan

  • Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me get to the other side!”
    The other guy replies “You are on the other side!”
    The2ndKingInTheNorth

  • I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
    KaboomBoxer

  • My friends say there’s a gay guy in our circle of friends… I really hope it’s Todd, he’s cute.
    -917-

  • People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones.
    But people in Abu Dhabi do!
    stevenmc

  • Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
    Bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line” Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
    justacheesyguy

  • I’ve been told I’m condescending.
    (that means I talk down to people)
    iblinkyoublink

  • How did the hipster burn his mouth?
    He ate the pizza before it was cool.
    plax1780

  • Before your criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and have their shoes.
    BoxxerUOP

  • What’s ET short for?
    He’s only got little legs.
    3shirts

  • What’s the difference between a dirty old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station the other one is a busty crustacean.
    laurtw

  • Why arent koalas actual bears?
    They dont meet the koalafications
    ImHully

  • It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
    auran98

  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
    msdarth

  • Some people think it’s romantic to carve their names on trees in the park while on a date.
    I’m more worried about why they’re bringing a knife on their date.
    I_know_where_you_is

  • 2 cows are grazing in a field. 1 cow says to the other, “You ever worry about that mad cow disease?”. The other cow says, “Why would I care? I’m a helicopter!”.
    Electric_Evil

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    If it’s Friday, it must mean leftovers . . .

    “Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.” ~ Lemony Snicket (aka Daniel Handler)

    A mashup for today. Enjoy!


    Butterfly on his bottom:

    A throwback: the Lucasfilm 1980 Star Wars Christmas Card by Ralph McQuarrie:

    For anyone dismayed by the December 17 tumblr inquisition:

    From ultrafacts.com:

    Source: [x] Click HERE for more facts!

    Source: [x] Click HERE for more facts!

    From incidentalcomics.tumblr.com:

    Also from ultrafacts.com:

     

    If it’s Friday, it must mean leftovers . . .

    Almost every night of my life . . . From The New Yorker

     

    Friday evening. Cloudy with drizzle, 46 degrees.

    Just a straightforward leftovers post. Spent too much time trying to find the perfect present for Corey, and now my back hurts. My life is so weird……..


    Self-explanatory:

    The four horsemen of the apocalypse from memesdaily

    Existentialgingerbreadism

    Also self-explanatory:

     

    From Ultrafacts: Perhaps a lesson here?

    For youngest son who spent years Rick Rolling everyone in sight:

    Also from Ultrafacts:


    Today’s poem was written by UK Poet Laureate, Carol Ann Duffy for the centenary of Armistice Day, November 18, 2018 (I know that I’m late). This day is very important to Europeans, but somehow, 45 couldn’t go out in the rain to pay tribute to the fallen. The background on this sonnet can be found here.

    The Wound In Time

    It is the wound in Time. The century’s tides,
    chanting their bitter psalms, cannot heal it.
    Not the war to end all wars; death’s birthing place;
    the earth nursing its ticking metal eggs, hatching
    new carnage. But how could you know, brave
    as belief as you boarded the boats, singing?
    The end of God in the poisonous, shrapneled air.
    Poetry gargling its own blood. We sense it was love
    you gave your world for; the town squares silent,
    awaiting their cenotaphs. What happened next?
    War. And after that? War. And now? War. War.
    History might as well be water, chastising this shore;
    for we learn nothing from your endless sacrifice.
    Your faces drowning in the pages of the sea.

    “This is what I like about photographs. They’re proof that once, even if just for a heartbeat, everything was perfect.” ~ Jodi Picoult, from Lone Wolf

    From left to right: Napoleon, Boots, Sassy, and Petra
    If it’s Friday, it must mean leftovers . . .

    Friday afternoon, mostly cloudy, 37 degrees.

    Yes, it’s a leftovers post. I had planned to write, but then there was that whole lack of sleep thing, wide awake at 5 a.m. thing . . . That, plus the new cat has taken to using the master bathroom as a litter box, and it’s extremely annoying. She doesn’t use the floor; no, she uses the flannel cover that I put down for her bed. Why, cat, why?

    So between cleaning toxic cat poop and trying to get two of the horses back into the pasture after they broke through the fence again and came wandering up to the front porch, it’s been a trying day.

    I will let you know that I have decided on names for the four horses that we have so far: The stallion is Napoleon, because he’s small and has a small man’s complex that makes him bully the fillies, and he has this lock of hair that falls on his brow very reminiscent of all of the Napoleon portraits. The two Sorrel horses are Sassy (the big one that continuously escapes and thinks it’s funny), and Boots, the one with white boots. And finally, the slow white and brown paint is Petra, mostly because when I was a child we had a Yorkie that was a bit slow, and dad named her Petra, and she was the sweetest dog ever.

    So that’s the horse family for now. On to the leftovers!


    How cool was this?

    2600 people form a chain to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the discovery of the DNA. Genentech employees set a Guinness World Record for the Largest “Human” DNA Helix on April 21, 2011 in San Francisco.

    Any excuse to post Tom Hiddleston:

    Alrighty then . . .

    Audible groan when you see it:

    Well this just blows out of the water everything I believed about hand dryers . . . except for Dyson hand dryers. I want one in my house.

    Er, excuse me?

    I love dry roasted peanuts too, but this?

    More later. Peace.


    Music by Imagine Dragons, “Thunder” (I love this video)

    “Put high walls around the part of you that dreams . . . ” ~ Fernando Pessoa, from “Advice” (trans. Edwin Honig and Susan M. Brown)

    If it’s Friday, it must mean leftovers . . .

    Friday evening, misty and milder, 52 degrees.

    Yesterday’s post took more out of me than I had anticipated, so today, I’m falling back on one of my favorite kinds of posts. I don’t have too  many in my collection yet, obviously, but I like these. Enjoy.


    I will never not love “The West Wing,” and CJ most of all:

    Irony in light of the recent movie:

    ultrafacts:</p> <p>(Fact Source) For more facts, follow Ultrafacts </p> <p>

    Love this:

    Source: [x] Click HERE for more facts!

    Music by Mansionair, “Easier”

    Friday leftovers . . .

    Downton Abbey Christmas
    Downton Abbey Christmas Special (PBS): I just love these two together

    If it’s Friday, it must mean leftovers . . .

    Friday afternoon. Cloudy and cooler temps.

    I just found out today (I realize that I’m probably late to the party, as usual) that there’s going to be a Downton Abby movie next year. I really cannot wait. In honor of that, I thought that I’d post one of my favorite screen shots from the series, in which the Dowager Duchess shares her thoughts on men:

    More later. Peace.

    Music from Downton Abbey, “Nothing to Forgive” (Christmas episode, Season 2)

    If it’s Friday, it must mean leftovers . . .

    Short and sweet this week:

    One night director, designer and animator Adam Patch recorded his drunk wife telling a joke about two corn chips. Afterwards he decided to use his skills to create a short animated video of the joke, using his wife’s recorded voice to narrate the story.