“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing is a field. I’ll meet you there.” ~ Rumi,

Pra Atchana: Calling the Earth to Witness (detail) 

“What the material world values does not shine in the same truth of the soul” ~ Rumi, “Not Intrigued With Evening” 

“You have been interested in our shadow” ~  Rumi, “Not Intrigued With Evening”

Somewhere, the gods are laughing hysterically. Somewhere, Sisyphus has paused in his uphill struggle to push his boulder to the top, and he is grinning sheepishly. Somewhere, at some point in time, all of this became an ongoing comedy of errors.

I’m just curious: Who forgot to send us the memo?

Last night, just because it could and because it would be the worst possible timing, Corey’s truck died in the parking lot of the nearby shopping center. Oh, we knew that the truck was living on borrowed time, but we were hoping against hope that it would give us at least another month, time to get the van down from Ohio, time to get Corey on a boat, time to park it and let it rest until the repairs could be made.

Mais non. ‘Twas not to be.

Which leads me back to my original statement and the question that keeps going around and around inside my brain: exactly who did we piss off this badly, whose crappola list, who did we offend in this lifetime or a previous or next in order to keep getting served cold Haggis when a nice, healthy mango salad would do?

 “Look instead directly at the sun” ~ Rumi, “Not Intrigued With Evening”

Chiang Mai Orchids, Thailand

I hear from those of you out in the ether, and I know that we aren’t alone. I know now just how many of you are in the same dire straits that we are navigating. Believe me, it does help with perspective.

But exactly when is this merry-go-round going to stop? Trust me when I said that I am beyond nauseous from the circling and circling, never arriving, never achieving any kind of forward momentum, the kind that grown ups are supposed to be able to achieve.

Actually, a better metaphor might be that horrible cups and saucers ride. You know, the one in which the cups and saucers spin themselves, and then the whole ride spins? My father actually had to ask the man who was working the switches to stop the ride one time when we were at a local amusement park. I had turned this lovely shade of ecru and was shaking violently all over. Carnie said he’d never seen a reaction that bad.

My cousin thought that it was hilarious. She would. If I had been able to manage anything but dry heaves, I would have hurled on her, kind of how I feel like hurling at the world, leaving just this stain on the sidewalk of life to show that I had been there for a moment, but frankly, had had enough.

“We are born and live inside black water in a well. How could we know what an open field of sunlight is?” ~ Rumi, “Moving Water”

Buddha in the Ruins of Wat Mahathat

Internal playlist: Life right now reminds me of that Sting song: “I’m so happy. I can’t stop crying.” Laughing through my tears: “everybody’s got to leave the darkness sometime.”

Or maybe Rocky Horror’s “Time Warp” would be more appropriate:

“It’s astounding, time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely, not for very much longer
I’ve got to keep control . . .”

Visions of torn fish nets and too much lipstick: “And nothing can ever be the same . . .”
Time warp would be a perfectly logical explanation for what’s happening. At least it makes more sense than the real explanation: There is no explanation.

“Don’t insist on going where you want to go.  Ask the way to the spring.” ~ Rumi, “Moving Water”

Wooden Spirit House

Moving along . . .

Did you know that in Thai culture, claiming to be haunted by a ghost is perfectly acceptable?

No, I’m not digressing. I beg the court’s indulgence whilst I attempt to make connections . . .

In Thailand, if I were to tell my landlord that my apartment has the spirit of a dead person, I would not be recommended for psychiatric counseling. On the contrary, spirits abound in Thai culture.

Spirit houses, or San Phra Phum (Abode of the Land Guardian Angel) are incorporated into most Thai homes so that the spirits can be left offerings for their well-being. It is believed that most homes have their own household spirits.

Fortune tellers, contrary to being frowned upon as in Western culture, are highly respected and consulted for most major decisions.

I find that to be a very logical way of looking at things. For example, let’s just say that Corey and I accidentally insulted the spirit of someone’s departed great aunt Mei by stepping on her threshhold (big no, no). Great aunt Mei would hang about for a bit to remind us of the error of our ways until we could perform the necessary rituals for her to rest in peace.

Quit looking at me that way. I’m serious.

“Your living pieces will form a harmony.” ~ Rumi, “Moving Water”

Thais, almost 95 percent of whom are Buddhists, also believe in animism, or spirit worship. Animist spirits stem from the belief that it is not just humans and animals that have souls but also plants, rocks, geographic features, rivers and even natural phenomena such as thunder. These spirits can have an effect on the well-being of those around them. I am not feeling the least bit cynical about such statements.

My own acceptance can be attributed to my personal beliefs in pantheism, that god is in all things.

I found the following passage on Teaching the Ghost: The Thai Supernatural very illuminating:

The greatest fear of an average Thai is of a break down of the social order and the resulting chaos. This explains why the system of hierarchy is so entrenched there and why an average Thai is so ready to unquestioningly follow a superior . . . in 700 years Thailand has never had a civil war. The Thai fear of chaos is personified in their spirits. Thais pay respects even to spirits that are dangerous, not because they have any love for them but because they leave people alone if they are respected. These can be the spirits of women who died in childbirth, malevolent nature spirits, ghosts or, most dangerous of all, the ghosts of people who have just been let out of hell but who have not been reborn in the human world yet. They have something of a chip on their shoulders. One thing that all these spirits have in common, besides their malevolent nature, is that they are part of no social hierarchy. Their world is everything that Thais fear—a world of chaos with no social order. If not respected they can unleash their violent natures and their social chaos on humans.

My point? Somewhere, somehow, we have—to mix my cultural metaphors—opened Pandora’s box and unleashed a very chaotic spirit that wants appeasement. Certainement. It is the only thing that makes any sense at this point.

Somewhere, lurking about us, is a spirit who is lambasting us with chaos. Unfortunately, not having been made aware of this, we have failed to proffer the proper respect, our inconsideration in trampling on a door sill rather than stepping over it.

“There is a moving palace that floats in the air with balconies and clear water flowing through, infinity, everywhere.” ~ Rumi, “Moving Water”

Karma. Joss. Fate. Nirvana. Infinity. Big concepts. Big questions.

Here are a few interesting things to consider if you are planning to build or place your own spirit house to appease the spirits that dwell on your land:

• Erect your spirit house in front of a tree.
• Do not place a spirit house to the left side of a door.
• A spirit house pointing towards the North or North-East is considered especially lucky.
• Your spirit house should not face towards a road or toilet.
• A spirit house should not be located within the shadow of the main property.

Remember, the spirit house is intended to honor and placate the spirits by providing an appealing shelter for the spirits, which admittedly, can be finicky and interferring, not necessarily good or evil. Traditional offerings to the spirits include edible and non-edible items such as rice, candles, flowers and incense.

My mother has two marble Buddhas in her house. My mother is the least Buddhist person I know. However, these small figurines have been in her home for as long as I can remember. Perhaps it is time for a spirit house and some prayer bells in our own environs.

More Rumi:

Thai Prayer Bells

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.

Translation by Coleman Barks

More later. Peace.

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One Hundred Things

These are the things . . .

I realized that even though I’ve done a few memes on here, I haven’t ever really talked about myself completely, honestly. So I thought that I would compose a random list, just to see where it takes me. So here we go:

1. I like broccoli, cauliflower and brussel sprouts. About the only vegetable I really hate is okra, and that’s because it’s slimey and hairy.
2. I’ve never eaten escargot. No matter how much garlic you put on it, it’s still a snail.
3. I love shrimp, but I will not eat lobster. If someone around me orders lobster, I make clawing motions with my hands and say “help me” in a high-pitched voice so as to shame them for eating something that could live for years and years in the ocean.
4. I also will not eat lamb or veal. Do you know how they make veal? If you did, then you couldn’t possibly eat it.
5. I love chocolate. I have tried to give up chocolate many times as it is not good for my headaches, and it is full of calories, but it keeps coming back and jumping into my mouth when I’m not looking.

   

   Kayaking at First Landing State Park by Karen Roberts

6. The last time I was timed, I typed 126 words a minute. That was a long time ago, and I type much faster now.
7. I have gone kayaking, and actually really enjoyed it. If I had the opportunity, I would own my own kayak and use it on the Chesapeake Bay.
8. I like to go hiking in the foothills of Virginia, but I haven’t done it since I hurt my back. My ex and I once went hiking/camping with some friends of ours. The girl wore penny loafers to go hiking. That was her idea of old shoes. I ended up carrying the guy’s pack on the hike back. Not outdoor people.
9. I love my dogs and treat them like children. Dogs are meant to be loved and talked to. People who abuse dogs should be put in jail as far as I’m concerned. A man who will beat a dog will beat a child or a woman. Don’t ever believe any differently.
10. I enjoy the smell of fresh cut lilacs, rosemary, gardenias, and lavender.
11. Butterflies are small miracles.



Tiger Swallowtail on Lantana by L. Liwag

12. My three children, who are no longer small, are still my pride and joy, even when they screw up. After all, who doesn’t screw up once in a while?
13. I would love to have more children, even though I am considered past my childbearing years. But what does that mean, anyway? I really don’t care.
14. If I could live anywhere in the world, I would live somewhere where I could see water and mountains at the same time.
15. I believe in nationalized medicine and a flat tax rate.
16. I am a liberal liberal. I don’t mind paying more taxes if it means that there will be better schools and better healthcare. My only protest against paying more taxes is that I want the rich to pay their fair share, too, and to stop having so many loopholes so that they end up paying less than those of us in the middle of the road.
17. I miss my father every day of every week of every year. I see him in my dreams often. I believe that he is looking out for me as best he can.
18. When I was at the beach once, I asked god for a sign that things were going to be all right, and then the waves pulled back, and a perfect shell was there at my feet.
19. I believe in angels.
20. I wish that I remembered more from my publishing class on computer systems, but it was such a painful experience the first time that I think that I have blocked everything that I managed to learn.
21. I love Beowulf (not the movie, the written version)
22. I wish that I looked like Angelina Jolie, but I wish more that I had her ability to go to poor countries and do something for the people who live there.



Angelina Jolie as Goodwill Ambassador

23. I collect stuffed bears, and I buy the ones who look like they need a home.
24. I have a calendar fetish. I always have at least three calendars of my own: one next to my desk, one in my purse, and one in the kitchen. If I had more places to put them, I would have more.
25. I am a speed reader, but I don’t scan in order to read more quickly. For example, I read each of the Harry Potter Books, even the longest one, in just one day.
26. I have read The Lord of the Rings more times than I can remember.
27. The English Patient is one of the most beautiful books ever written, and the movie is still one of my favorites.
28. I get silly drunk about two times a year, but otherwise, I drink very seldom.
29. I don’t do illegal drugs, and the worst thing I ever did when I was a teenager was speed, and I hated the way that it made me feel.
30. I love to learn. I have one bachelor’s degree, and two master’s degrees. I would go for another degree in a heartbeat.
31. I miss being in the front of the classroom but not enough to teach in the Norfolk Public School system.
32. I’ve never been in a girl fight. How utterly stupid.
33. I am very sentimental. I can cry at a Hallmark commercial, a Lifetime movie, or a YouTube clip. Sarah McLachlan’s commercials about animals in shelters just kills me.
34. I am fiercely loyal and protective.
35. I am an Aquarius.
36. Eamonn and Caitlin’s birthdays are within ten days of each other in March (Pisces); Alexis and Brett’s birthdays are within three days of each other in July (Cancer).
37. It’s far easier to give birth in March than in July.
38. I’m not afraid of needles, as in having blood drawn, but I hate it when I get someone who is not good at putting in an IV. That hurts.
39. I talk back to the computer and other inanimate objects. I also carry on conversations with other drivers, but they don’t know it.
40. I love coffee and hot tea. I drink cream in most types of hot tea except for Earl Gray and Oolong.



"Blue Tea Cup," by Claire Lerner

41. My favorite dessert is Tiramisu, followed closely by real New York cheesecake.
42. I used to be a shopaholic but have since reformed, for a variety of reasons.
43. I believe that psychopharmaceuticals were developed for a reason and that no one should be ashamed of having to take them.
44. I hate it when people jump to conclusions.
45. I have a terrible habit of correcting other people’s English.
46. My husband is younger than I am, and when we first got together, no one thought that it would last. We’ve been together for nine years, and it is the best relationship of my life.
47. My mother is without a doubt the one person in this world who can get to me more than anyone else. She knows exactly what buttons to push.
48. I wish that Alexis believed in herself more, but at this point, I have to let her be who she is and try not to interfere.
49. My last beta, Mulder, decided that he didn’t like me and wouldn’t look at me any more. I took it very personally. He doesn’t live here any more.



Blue Beta: Mulder Did Not Look Like This

50. I am hooked on crime shows: CSI, Without a Trace, Law & Order. I do not like sitcoms.
51. Heidi Klum is über gorgeous, especially when she is pregnant.
52. American society is fixated on how people look and doesn’t pay nearly enough attention to educating its children.
53. Someday, I want to go to Australia, Ireland, and Greece.
54. I love to take pictures but don’t like to have my picture taken.
55. Cruises cease to be fun when you run out of money.
56. My big goal in life is to be debt-free and to have good credit again.
57. All of my children inherited my propensity for depression as I inherited it from my father. Sometimes genetics really sucks.
58. I wish that Mari lived nearby so that we could spend time together again.
59. I need to get off my ass and put together my book, but I am too scared of the whole rejection process.  



Point Woronzof Sunset by Janson Jones of Floridana Alaskiana

60. I managed a newsroom when I was 19-years-old.
61. One day, I will figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
62. Ending sentences in a preposition really bothers me.
63. I love to use quotations by other people in my own work. It helps me to focus.
64. I love sunsets and sunrises. I cannot think of anything more beautiful than a painted sky.
65. I miss getting dressed, putting on make-up and going to work everyday. I love make-up.
66. I hate dreaming that I am at work.
67. I believe that men and women can be friends, but sooner or later, sex tries to get in the way.
68. I love music: classical, pop, classic rock, country, new age (whatever the hell that means), opera, blues, even some hard rock.
69. My birthstone is garnet, which I love, but I also love pearls, aquamarines, and diamonds.
70. One day, I am going to have a big diamond ring, just because.
71. I used to love to wear hats, but now I just look silly.
72. I have long wavy hair, and I would like a new hairstyle, but I look like a monkey when I have short hair.
73. I usually eat one big meal a day (dinner), and maybe a snack, but I cannot lose weight. I hate that.
74. I can be very impatient, which can lead to my being snarky, especially when I’m driving.
75. I find that I always end up telling Corey where to park, even though he doesn’t need my help. I wonder why I do that?
76. I speed on the interstate, but I obey the speed limit in the city.
77. I desperately need a new old car that is just mine because Eamonn ruined Izzie the Trooper, and it smells like cigarettes.
78. I love ankle bracelets and earrings, and I love watches, but am down to about four now that still work.
79. I smoked during college exams, but I hate cigarettes, and cigarette smoke.
80. I don’t look my age, but that is because of good genes and Oil of Olay Regenerist, and I don’t ever tell people how old I really am.
81. Writing my blog posts is my daily therapy.
82. Both Shakes and Tillie snore, but Tillie snores louder. I snore louder than anyone in the house.
83. I hate my body. I feel like a sausage most of the time.
84. I really love shoes and boots, especially boots.
85. I wear Christmas socks all year long.
86. We are not friendly with most of our neighbors. I wonder why.
87. I have never really wanted to own a horse, but I have considered living on an old farm.
88. I am a hoarder when it comes to books and sentimental things like old cards and letters.
89. I used to own a yard tractor and would mow the yard in my bathing suit. Of course, that was when I was in good shape. My nasty neighbor to my left thought that it was scandolous.
90. I hold a grudge, expecially if I feel that I have been wronged unfairly.
91. I think about revenge, but have never actually taken it.
92. Bad manners offend me, and my sons know this and use it to drive me crazy.
93. I wash my hands a lot, but I don’t think that I am OCD about it.
94. One day, my bedroom will finally be painted, and I will be able to put in my new furniture.
95. I like antiques even though my mother calls them “tired, old things” and believes that people should move on.  



Original Yoda

96. I have a hard time moving on, and don’t adjust to change very well.
97. I like the first three Star Wars movies (chronologically) a lot better than the last three (numerically).
98. Corey brings me a cup of hot mint tea every night before bed. Isn’t that thoughtful?
99. I am a pantheist: I believe that god, some kind of god, exists in all things: people, animals, trees, water, and that if we listen carefully enough, we can become one with all things in nature.
100. One day, I will finally go on a poetry retreat.

 

That’s quite enough for today. Peace.