Say what you will about him, but I’ve missed this man.
This week’s headline:
“To any local Florida officials who refuse to perform these ceremonies: You live in a giant cockroach choking-hazard infested, Hooters-dining, reptile-abusing Everglades-draining, election-ruining, stripper-motorboating, ball-sweat scented, genitalia-shaped, 24-hour-mugshot factory.” ~ Jon Stewart on some Florida counties’ decision not to perform courthouse marriages, “The Daily Show” (15 January 2015)
Um . . . come again?
I don’t think this was what Big Brother had in mind:
Needs no explanation . . .
How cool is this?
Marie Curie: One of the baddest of the original BAMF:
Wasabi is a miracle food as far as I’m concerned. Nothing opens my sinuses faster, and after a good crying jag, wasabi allows me to breathe . . . just saying . . .
Music by The Neighborhood, “Let it Go” (no, not that one)
- Swallowing grapes is not so easy.
- Making a cup of tea takes a long time when you throw away the tea bag and keep the foil packet.
- Knocking said cup of tea over immediately after sitting it down becomes a job for tomorrow.
- The dogs decide they need to go outside one an hour, probably just being good care-givers and making sure you can still move.
- You (I) can, but very, very slowly.
- Chocolate at 2 in the morning doesn’t taste nearly as good as it usually does.
- Mucinex liquid was invented by the same descendants of Marquis de Sade who invented the original Nyquil.
- If you are able to swallow it, Mucinex feels warm all the way down your esophagus.
- This is reassuring as I was pretty certain I had coughed up my esophagus on Friday night.
- Cold and flu medications always stop working in the middle of the night.
- Alka-Seltzer cold and flu medication needs to be dissolved in hot water and then chased by bourbon.
- Just kidding . . . not really . . .
- It would have been honey and bourbon and lemon instead of the medicine, but I only had the bourbon.
- I switched from second to first person somewhere along the way.
- The Christmas cards I started on so eagerly and full of self-satisfaction over a week ago laid on my dining room table until I unearthed them this afternoon.
- I unearthed them this afternoon because I felt better and decided to clean.
- I always do this.
- It always hurts afterwards.
- A lot.
- It all began because I smelled something, and I wasn’t really sure if it was (pardon the total truth here) my dog’s bad gas, my feet, or the bedroom in general, having been a sick room for three days.
- So I needed to change the sheets.
- Which meant that I needed to do laundry.
- Which took four trips from the hamper to the garage.
- I do not have a large house.
- It’s a ranch, and the only stairs are in the garage.
- I still almost tripped on the stairs.
- I remembered to wash the bath mat that I used to sop up the tea I spilled yesterday.
- Or was it the day before?
- So I finished the Christmas cards and put them out for the mail only to notice that the UPS guy had delivered the shipment of dog food.
- It’s a heavy box, and I had used my daily quota of energy on useless things like cleaning and bathing.
- So the dog food is still on the porch getting rained on.
- I could so not care about the dog food.
- I did use my time in bed wisely: I started watching season one of “Orphan Black” on Amazon Prime (connected to my television, woo hoo) on Saturday.
- I think it was Saturday.
- I finished Sunday morning, and then I debated about whether or not to purchase season two on Prime.
- I debated for two minutes, and then cashed in a few dollar credits for skipping fast shipping on books and started season 2.
- I am now humbled to realize that I cannot buy season 3 because it isn’t a thing yet.
- I don’t know what to watch next, and it’s hard to read when you’re coughing.
- I haven’t sat at this computer in over a week.
- I know this because my e-mail notification says something about plus 700 new emails.
- Yahoo lies.
- There are probably 5 real emails, and the rest are people still trying to get me to order for Christmas.
- Probably better that I haven’t been on the computer.
- God I need a laptop.
- Or even, sigh, a tablet.
- Tablets are evil.
- I haven’t looked at myself in a mirror in days, she said, apropos of nothing.
- It’s amazing how many dishes one person can make in three days.
- Maybe the dirty dishes made me start to clean because I had run out of tea mugs.
- Not really.
- There are at least 20 more in the cabinet, but I don’t like any of those when I’m sick.
- Coffee tastes really bad when you’re sick.
- Tea tastes better with honey and lemon, but . . . well, see 13.
- I realized that I was walking around the house with rubber gloves on after I did the dishes.
- So I did the floors.
- Not really.
- So, yeah. That’s been my life for more days than I care to admit.
- Corey gets home on Christmas Eve.
- Let’s hope I can summon up some energy to drive to the airport.
- I’m not sure what day or date it is.
- At least the house will be mostly clean because I have once again retreated to my bed (with the clean sheets) and am now rewatching certain episodes of “Orphan Black.”
- I can’t believe I had so many things to say.
- Tired now. Bye.
Argh. I forgot to hit schedule. Dang it all…………..
This week’s headline:
Done . . .
Meanwhile, in Canada:
Um . . . excuse me? You fed the pears?
What a charming place to wile away the afternoon . . .
Another doggie for you:
I have come to love Key & Peele. In this clip, girlfriend Meegan is the worst moviegoer ever:
A few facts for you from ultrafacts:
- Dr. Dre has made more money from selling his popular Beats headphones than he did making music.
- The North Korean World Cup soccer fans are actually hand picked by the NK government and are also made up of Chinese volunteers since North Koreans are not allowed to travel.
- US President Harry Truman fell in love with his future wife Bess in Sunday School when he was 6 years old and she was 5. He never loved another woman.
- A gamer once complained on the Runic Games forums that a specific camera effect made a game unplayable for her due to a rare eye condition. Mere hours later, and early on a Sunday morning, the developers released a patch that added a user toggle for the effect.
- The “Gangnam Style” video has surpassed 2 billion views on Youtube and is the first Youtube video in history to do so.
- Netflix employs a team of “taggers” who are paid to just watch movies/shows on Netflix and tag the content.
- The astronomer Tycho Brahe not only owned a tame moose. That moose died by falling down a flight of stairs while drunk.
- In 1971, a thief broke into a house and was shot in the legs by a trap set up by the homeowner. The thief then sued for damages—and won.
- The Egyptian–Hittite peace treaty concluded around 1259 BCE is the oldest written peace treaty that still survives today.
Friday evening. Partly cloudy and cold, 49 degrees.
Corey just left to take Olivia home. Yesterday when I told her that she was going home, she said, “No.” She wanted to stay with us; truthfully, she probably wanted to stay with Corey, who seems to be her most favorite person, and don’t think that he doesn’t love that! Anyway, now I am better able to see both sides—parent (dismay) and grandparent (humorous pride)—of the situation as Alexis always wanted to stay with her Oma and Papa. And the sun rose and fell on Alexis as far as my dad was concerned . . .
History truly repeats itself.
This week’s headline:
“That’s a gang sign? All this time I’ve been the lead-in for a notorious gang member [Stephen Colbert]. . . which means, unfortunately, it’s time once again to update our ‘List of innocent things that black people do that look suspicious . . . don’t wear a hoodie, don’t carry skittles . . . and now, don’t point.'” ~ Jon Stewart, “The Daily Show” (November 12, 2014)
I still love Tobey Ziegler (“The West Wing”):
Me, every single time I get behind the wheel of my car . . .
Oh, how I can relate to this . . .
This is what happens in my head every time I’m near one:
Literally . . .
Moral of the story? Hire a koala as your hitman. Wait. No. What?
Hmm . . .
Um, perhaps texting is not for you?
Me, responding to my kids’ texts when I just can’t take it any more:
I love Key & Peele:
We, as humans, have the imaginations and capabilities to do ingenious things like this, so why don’t we do this more?
Commas—they really do make a difference:
Again, Toby remains my hero:
Friday afternoon. Partly cloudy and temperate, 62 degrees.
My computer is dying and that is the least of my woes . . .
Having a really bad November 7. No words . . .
This week’s best news exchange:
Jon Stewart: But first, team coverage at various campaign headquarters.
Jason Jones: Incredible night for Money in politics . . . all $6.5 billion that participated in this year’s election are here tonight . . .
Jon Stewart: Sam Bee is at money’s opponent in this year’s election: Ideas.
Sam Bee: As you can imagine, it’s been a tough night for Ideas. Just minutes ago, Ideas conceded to Money. Obviously, it was a collect call. Ideas is in rough shape.
Jon Stewart: I think a lot of people didn’t even realize Ideas were on the ballot this year
Sam Bee: Ideas didn’t put up much of a fight, appeared in very few ads, certainly didn’t show up for any debates
So, yeah. Science. Love that stuff . . .
I am such a sucker for things like this. I cannot believe that LeBron James made me tear up. No, I’m absolutely not sniffling and stuff . . . and besides, it’s Ohio, and Corey and stuff . . .
Jon Oliver’s “Last Week Tonight” takes on couples shopping at Home Depot . . . Can sooo appreciate this . . .
I really have no words for this . . .
And not sure I have any words for this, either:
[Mom] comes into the classroom with a pan full of treats and brings them to me and says with a smile “I decided you can use these to teach the kids about the woman’s vagina today”. Baffled and completely caught off guard I slowly peel the aluminum foil off the pan to behold a plethora of sugar cookie and frosting vaginas. Not just any old vagina, but ALL KINDS OF VAGINAS… I give the parent the most professional look I can muster and quietly reply “I’m sorry Autumn, but I can’t give these to my students. This just isn’t appropriate.”
I don’t have an image for these educational cupcakes, but if you want to see the rest of the story, including the mother’s rant, click here.
I mean really, second graders? I. Just. Can’t. Even.
In our continuing coverage of social media fails:
Jumping on the Ebola bandwagon:
Really? You had to add that disclaimer? Sheesh.
This is too cool not to post: Wes Anderson Centered
Just two of many reasons to go to Norway:
And because I am forevermore a Star Wars nerd . . .
This week’s headline:
Mid-term elections are important. Don’t blow them off. Go VOTE!
How cool. I love discovering new things. I never knew that van Gogh did this piece:
Found this classic Mickey Mouse: The Skeleton Dance (1929)
Dumb animals, yep.
For more on Endal, click here.
Well that explains why Tidewater Drive has been a mess for almost a year . . .
No wonder I’ve never won anything more than fries . . .
Umm, okay . . .
Okay, now go . . . no wait, stop, turn around, go . . . no, stop again . . .
And finally, would that we could all be happy with the perfect pebble . . .
Music by Donovan, what else, “Season of the Witch”